she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
