apparently the secret to your success is patron
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
