Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
