Reggie can tackle my bush.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
