Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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