The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
