wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Randomize
