I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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