Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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