Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
