Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
