By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
