Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
