Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
