we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
