Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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