i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
