I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just had sex on a roof
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
