Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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