i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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