I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I want to fling myself into the sun
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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