I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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