I wannas sexs uuuuu
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
she pinky promised me she was 18
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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