so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
