she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
