Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
