Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
