My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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