im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
