the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
