Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
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