new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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