He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
After tacos, we're chasing women.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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