Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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