i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
