was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Randomize
