I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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