Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
