i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize