I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
