I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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