I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
