I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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