Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
