It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
