I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
