Where did you get a picture of my penis
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
then he tried to convert me to islam
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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