who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
