craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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