yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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